In the course of history we’ve seen many major, impactful, even world-changing conflicts–with each encounter having a long term effect on the geopolitical stage. This is not one of those conflicts. However, it would become one of the most well-known wars in Australian History.

This is Feathered Fury. It is the cocktail I have made for you today inspired by the immortal conflict between the Australians and the emus in The Great Emu War, which really happened, in 1932.

So how does one declare war on birds? Well you see, it all comes down to farming. At the time, Australian veterans who had served in World War I came home looking to rebuild their lives, and the government was happy to subsidize them. The Aussie government had offered plots of land to the veterans for the purposes of farming which would 1) bolster their export surplus, and 2) give the veterans new means of supporting themselves and building a future after the worst war the world, and Australia, had ever seen… so far.

In 1929, the whole world saw a severe drop in dopamine levels as bank accounts emptied during the Great Depression. Australia was hit particularly hard. Their new currency, which was gold-backed and somehow linked to the British pound, was now suffering thanks to the British monetary policy. Their export surplus was growing, and with no one buying, the farmers were suffering. They petitioned the government for help, and they said, “Of course! In fact, we’ll subsidize your crops.” But that fell through. As promises for aid slid through the cracks, the people of West Australia had just about had it. They were even thinking of secession. The UK of course wouldn’t allow it, but the farmers were fuming; their anger needed a target. So when a gigantic herd of 6 foot birds came running through town, eating and destroying all of their crops, the people had had enough.

No longer trusting the federal government to do anything, they turned to their senator, George Pearce, who also just so happened to be the Minister of Defense. They pleaded with him for help. The national bird had become a national pest, and something had to be done about it. George understood how angry his constituents had become. And he knew it wasn’t unwarranted. But, he also understood that their rifles were not near-good enough to do any real damage to the herds of birds ravaging the countryside. The people wanted machine guns, Lewis guns to be exact, the same guns which were used extensively in WWI. And so, George agreed. Even more than that, he thought, “Hell, why not bring a film crew and make a movie out of it?” And he did. Seriously, he did! The Great Emu War was filmed. I can’t wait to see the History channel come out with The Great Emu War, in color.

Armed and ready, George dispatched the military into the town of Campion. Major Meredith, with Sergeant McMurray and Gunner O’Halloran, arrived at its outskirts on November 2, 1932. The ground was wet, as it had been raining the past few days. The men approached, ready to surround and exterminate the growing threat. Like a blitzkrieg, the emu had invaded their town, and now the feathered tyrants would meet their reckoning.

Spotting a detachment of 50 or so birds, the men loaded and unleashed the first volley of the war into the flock. However, due to the long range, the emu were able to cunningly organize a frantic retreat. A number of birds fell, perhaps a dozen or so, but the emu, in their sleek getaway, had won the first day. Two days later, scouting reports from farmers and Meredith, led them back to their prey, only to see that the emu had frequented a strategic position at a local dam, and reinforcements were coming. A whole 1,000 emu descended upon the position. Meredith and his men prepared their ambush. Hiding close by they sprang forth and began firing their Lewis guns into the large crowd. It would have been a massacre and overwhelming victory for the Aussies, had their guns not almost instantly jammed. The large flock once more hastened a daring escape. Twelve birds gave their lives for the emu cause that day.

By the fourth day of the conflict, Meredith and his men had noticed a change in the enemy’s tactics. The emu brigade had broken up into smaller squadron-like mobs, carrying out their own form of guerrilla warfare. With a designated lookout/leader, typically a black plumed Emu, obviously distinguished in rank, stood at attention while his feathered compatriots continued their terrorist campaign on the wheat fields. Tactics, which turned out to be incredibly effective–as it rendered the utilization of the machine guns uneconomic. As one squadron fell, the majority would get away, likely to counterattack later. And, with 20,000 Emus in the mob (that’s a group of emus by the way), the task seemed insurmountable.

Major Meredith looked to a new maneuver. The fleet-footed foul ought to be pursued at pace. And so he and his men mounted a machine gun on a truck and pressed the attack. It would have been a great success, if the ride wasn’t too rough, the truck too slow, and the bullets too inaccurate to hit their targets. At this final loss, Meredith and his men realized they were beaten. They abandoned their once emu-occupied home of Campion, and the surrounding areas, and surrendered… to the emu.

But while Meredith and his men were ready to call it quits, the farmers weren’t. In them, the resistance was strong. Once again they implored the military for help. Once more, Meredith and his men answered the call. This time, it would be a campaign of revenge. Maybe it was fueled by hurt pride, but the campaign was going much better–which isn’t a very high bar to reach, but hey they were killing about 100 emus a week. By December 10th, 986, birds were killed and nearly 10,000 rounds had been fired by the Australians. But still, 19,000 more flightless enemies remained. It wasn’t worth it. So, once again, the Australians raised the white flag. The war was over. The great emus had won.

So formidable were the emu that Meredith went on to say, “If we had a military division with the bullet-carrying capacity of these birds it would face any army in the world … They can face machine guns with the invulnerability of tanks.” I mean, goodness, what a conflict. Can you believe that’s real? That actually happened. History is amazing. I mean what nation goes to war with birds… and loses? Ugh, it’s so iconic that we need to make a drink about it. So let’s get into the Feathered Fury.